I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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