dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
