ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
