So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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