I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
