You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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