Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize