Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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