so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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