i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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