Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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