You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
FUCK WHALES
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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