I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Found your dick twin last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
