my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
