he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
