I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
