He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
