We're like a lot better than the average bears
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
