The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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