either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize