i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
