Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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