The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
