We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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