I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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