Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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