Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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