I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
