Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
