just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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