Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
