You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
