Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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