Princesses don't give blow jobs
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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