the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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