It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
