the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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