Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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