I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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