How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
