my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
