Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
