I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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