these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
