I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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