Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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