About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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