i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
