Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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