I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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