i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
And then he peed in my hair
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