Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
