i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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