We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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