Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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