and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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