i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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