Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
