This is not my ceiling
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
