You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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