Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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