think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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