somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
